Sunday, May 21, 2017

The Boxelder Conundrum

Introducing the ever-present Boxelder Bug

If Boxelder bugs are driving you crazy, you're not alone. 

A friend, plagued by legions of Boxelders invading his home, searched the net to find a solution to eradicate the winged, black and orange pests. Finding an ad guaranteeing a solution to Elderbug infestations, he pulled out his wallet, typed in the appropriate numbers and clicked. After all, $5 to rid his home of these intruders seemed a steal. He was desperate. Too many nights' sleep were interrupted as Boxelders used his head as a party platform. 

It wasn't long before the promised solution arrived. With much anticipation our friend opened the message. The sage advice was delivered succinctly. Only seven words were required. The solution?

"Suck them up with a vacuum cleaner." 

"Gee, why didn't I think of that?" He may have meant, "Why didn't I think of the $5 scam."

Of course those hearing the story had a good laugh. Lighthearted gibes followed for a couple days until all of a sudden, the "$5 vacuum cleaner solution" didn't look so silly anymore. What changed? 

It was verifiable scientific evidence based on analytic observations that enabled valley residents to consider an interesting hypothesis. If true, the $5 vacuum solution was more valuable than first imagined. 

Analytical observations made in the Community Hall supported the contention that - vacuum cleaners not only consume current elder bug populations, vacuums conspicuously displayed in a room will also keep elder bugs at bay! They disappear!

The evidence: Gathering for a meeting in the Community Hall one evening, early arrivals discovered a brand new vacuum cleaner sitting on the floor. Everyone knew the Stehekin Heritage Community Hall cleanup was scheduled in three days. Maybe someone brought the vacuum early for the upcoming cleanup. 

Those attending had to wait just a bit to discover the real purpose for the vacuum's presence. When asked about the new vacuum, a late arrival explained the exact reason he'd purchased the vacuum and placed it in the Community Hall. 

"I bought it to get rid of the Boxelders in this place. They've been terrible!"  

He went on to tell how the invasion of Elderbugs impacted church services "They covered the walls and windows!" 

Church services hadn't been the only gatherings impacted by Boxelder participation. A couple weeks earlier the National Park Service conducted a meeting in the Community Hall to discuss the Draft Grizzly Bear Environmental Impact Statement (DEIS). It seems Boxelders wanted to attend the meeting as well. While we're not sure of the Elderbugs position concerning grizzlies, it was obvious Boxelders influenced the NPS presenter. Standing in front of the audience he would suddenly throw his hands into the air and erratically tousle his hair or brush his shoulders to rid himself of Elderbugs that seemed especially attracted to him. Elderbugs seemed to enjoy parachuting from the ceiling to assail the presenter. Either that or there was only so long they could attach themselves to the ceiling as the presenter spoke. When they could cling no longer, they fell upon the unfortunate gentleman like an intermittent rain. The audience thought the animated antics of the presenter especially entertaining.  

After telling us of the Boxelders' effect on church services and the grizzly meeting, the friend who bought the vacuum told us something else that was, at first, hard to believe. He related, "The moment the new vacuum was placed in the Community Hall, the Boxelders disappeared." Participants sitting with him looked around and sure enough, there were no Boxelders to be seen. 

No doubt about it, evidence existed attesting to the fact that Boxelders had infested the Community Hall! As it turned out, evidence also existed supporting the hypothesis that, "The very presence of a vacuum in a room discourages Elderbugs from even entering the room."  

Like "before" and "after" pictures," the contrast couldn't have been more dramatic. Before the vacuum was purchased (BV) Boxelders covered the walls and windows. After the vacuum was purchased(AV)the Elderbugs disappeared. It turns out the vacuum didn't even need to be plugged into a socket. From a vast population crawling over windows and walls and dropping as an insect deluge from the ceiling, it was obvious;d the visual presence of the new vacuum convinced the Boxelders to relinquish the field and move elsewhere. 

Elderbugs may be smarter than given credit. 

There's no doubt about it, the $5 spent to receive the ultimate Elderbug eradicator solution was money well spent. 

Just had an idea, if you want to rid yourselves of mosquitos plaguing you during the summer months, visit and for $5 I'll send you the solution. Leaving now to register